Undercover.

30 odd days to the big O’s. Started working very very hard now. I’m learning to handle the stress.

Problems keep occuring but I’m trusting God that everything’s fine.

Maybe I’m too dense to know what’s exactly going on, I don’t think I wanna bother about it anymore. Perhaps I’m too blunt.

Pretence, is something that I’m good at. It’s like putting on a mask so no one will really know how sad or happy I am. That real me might scare you too much. The mask is taken off around people who really truly know me.

I don’t really need people to understand me because I’ve always been complicated. I gave up on being myself a long time ago, to spare people the trouble. Don’t try to read me, you might end up seeing a shrink.

Like I’ve said, sometimes, humans are better off without friends. Solitude, don’t necessarily mean a bad thing, you know. No, I’m not depressed or whatsoever.

I know people don’t always like to say “sorry” so I’m used to it. I’m used to people who keep apologising as well. I’m immuned to either.

Note to self: crying doesn’t solve problems. It honestly doesn’t.

P/S. Thank you girls, for your concern (: you guys rock absolutely.

I’ll scream your name.

I’m gonna go crazy. The race is on and it’s starting tomorrow. Bloody shiz, I have even got down to doing any revision! Oh dear, this IS bad.

I don’t know if I can get the results I really. Procrastination is getting a good hold of me. Like now! I want to eat hand-made onigiri.

Another 80 odd days to O levels (omg, holy shiz)! I don’t feel the pressure as yet. Omg, HOW?! I work best under pressure. Not much like enzymes, of course.

And OH! O levels Chinese results are gonna be out soon! My A1 please, Daddy God! Fingers crossed.

Haven’t got news from Ngee Ann Poly yet (why! omg, i’m freaking out)!

English O levels oral coming soon. I am so not gonna crash and burn this time round

“There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time.”

-Coco Chanel.

Patience, was never my virtue.

You know how terrifying is it to be waken up by some horrible memory? Incidents that left bloody screwed up memories at the back of your head. Sucks much. How nice to be woken up like that on a Sunday morning.

I hate it.

I don’t like how these things come back and haunt me. Try as I may, they never seem to go away. They just remain there, remants of what was used to be. I am afraid of what will happen. Afraid of running back to the past. I don’t want to do that. I am trying to let things go and not hate anything, or anybody.

Time will heal, I know. But I can’t wait. God probably made time to fill up voids in our lives and allow scars/pain/regret to wash away. He doesn’t want to give a quick zap to resolve our problems. I believe he wants to permanently fix the problems we face. I think I know what it means.

Patience, was really not my virtue right from the start anyway. I like instant results. Honestly, that hardly happens. Waiting for a call irks me. I go into a frenzy when things aren’t happening the way it should have been. I think I should start going back to church, seriously.

Trusting God for a breakthrough has always been easy thing for me to do, but why can’t I do it this time round? Maybe, it’s really time to let go and let God take the wheel.

Honey bees.

I am freaking busy these days, oh Lord. I don’t think I even have time to breatheeeee. Gawd, how awful. Now I want to attend a masquerade. Now masquerade will be my word. HAHA HOW RANDOM.

I want to go Korea! Lord, I can’t wait for the big O to be overrrr. Then I can live my life properly. Without homework too! I need retail therapy badly

I don’t even have time to eat lunch with Mom. Gawd, studying for Os really kills. It’s like having cramps after cramps then you get diarrhea and you wouldn’t want to hear me continue. Yea, THAT miserable. Emme’s house is a chalet. Really.

Liberation Day’s in exactly 4 months time. Mark your calendars ‘cuz Yours Truly is on a roll by then

Masquerade, seriously.

I need the ipod-av cable. It’s pricey, damn it. I want Dr. Martens Green boots, thank you so very much.

I want to eat soba noodles. I want to drink chamomile tea. I perform well under stress. I need stress. Bye.

On a second thought.

Yessss, the Korean Wave hit me big time! It’s ringing bells and alarms and birds in my head. I’m very serious okay. Just another crazy phase I’m going through. Pardon me (:

Got a a ginormous poster of them up on my wall. Hees, it’s normal to go gaga over good-looking people. After all, you don’t see them around often enough (:

School reopened and this entire week is plain shit. Doing so much worksheets and writing. My brain’s frying and my hands are rotting. I need to start applying DPA! I guess I more or less met the requirements. The Lord is with me so everything is going to be okay AMEN!

AMENx1286143564547914896 times (:

I need my daily dosage of tv. Byes.

DBSK! (L)(L)(L)

Youtube, love and peace.

Yea, you read it right. It’s Youtube, love and peace. God, how bloody random can I get man HAHAHA OMG. It has been two and half of holidays and I am pretty proud to say that I haven’t got much homework done. I have been youtube-ing basically eveyday. But oh whatever, like I give a damn. I don’t like doing holiday assignments. Just when I thought I can really revise with my books for the Prelim 2, teachers have to pile the homework much more.

I don’t understand why I have to sit through O levels. Not me to make a fuss about about it, but why not let us do presentations to get our final grade instead? HAHAHA, the sheer irony. It’s sick, studying so much for just a certificate. It’s not me to really care. Another 5 months and freedom my friends, is declared. Yea, 5 freaking months. HOW COOL HUH.

Had lunch with Buddy! Cool, talked about his uber weird english teacher and many uber random stuffs. HAHAHA, FREAK ALERT! Imagine a 62 year old acting like a goth-punk teen. WHAT THE HECK OMG. Walking FREAK in the daylight yow. HAHAHA. Buddy, you know what I mean HAHAHA.

I don’t like to deal with smartypants. Hunch walls, those smartypants. You people must be smart enough to think of ways to hunch a wall huh HAHAHA. Crudballs. It’s a new word to use on idiots

I’m officially addicted to Korean boybands. IT’S OFFICIAL Tell me what’s there not love about them. HAW HAW. And I hate idiots who stereotype boybands. Boybands ARE NOT GAY, you hear me? Or do you need me to do something to mushy thing inside your skull? Wow, it sounded angst-y. Peace, peace, girl

LOVE is SO over-rated, I wonder if they are still true. Sensible much? I don’t want to elaborate lest I suffer from another headache. Bad memories should just automatically delete themselves from the system, you know. Talk about inner peace.

I’m off to go high again, seeing them hunks

Kayzbaizkoreanboybandsrockz! (L)

Fire!

Okay, that was super random but of course, I’m being my usual self. This entire week was a rush. Holy shit, I haven’t got around doing much work but only Physics and a bit of Biology. I need Biology consultation.

Fire! Because I think arson. Whatever.

Went for Dare yesterday. God, missed the feeling of praising Him along with other peeps like Kezia and Beaver and Rosa and so many other people. Yep, very God-filled day. I’m contented Beaver shared a revelation with me that made me realize why He did what he did at the cross 2000 years ago. Thank you, Beaver

Basically slacked for the entire day at Emme’s house. I’m not feeling guilt-ridden. I think I deserve it for not skipping holiday lessons in school k. For this week only lah. I’m good enough to wake up on time for school. Oh Lord, there’s still the Moot Parliament debate to prepare. Bloody hell, more work to do. Meaning less sleep/rest. Great.

PlayMAX in another 5 days! Yea, baby! A fun-filled day with Ziqi and Sam:) I miss the days when I can play without thinking twice about the consequences. Holy crap, reminisce those times man. Soon, it’ll be back!

Anyway, Emme, if you’re seeing this post, thanks for the advices you gave me on the shit-ass creeps Hees, you know what I’m talking about, heh So pathetic, right?

Alright then, I’ll end here cuz I wanna go watch The Box

Okayzbyezlovezyouallz! Ciaos! SJ FTW! (as always)

Hello dear, I didn’t know you were so deprived from attention

Funfair holiday. Right.

Yea, with the amount of homework that the graduating kids has to do, the June holiday is not a holiday at all. Holy shit, absolutely. I know I haven’t been online recently cuz I’ve been camping over at Emme’s house! Super cool, I tell you, talking like nobody’s business. Anyways, Mother Tongue O levels are over (just yesterday)! Distinction manz, amen! I need retail therapy and GSS is here! (Oh em gee, I sound like some person suffering from a shopping disorder!) 

Kayz, my results sucked like crap but it was better than the mock exams, seriously. Passed the language papers but failed maths and science. Cool right. Never mind, prelim 2 everything will pass for sure, I tell you! Must work harder already! Gambatte! Distinctions, AMEN!

Does it bother you when the people you used to know so well suddenly look at you with disdain (if it’s the apt word to use here)? Yea, it bothers me as well. Probably it’s what they say, “People change over time, including your close friends too.” I don’t know why. Maybe we care too much about ourselves at time to really stop and listen to those around us? Friendships are forged over time, that’s true, no doubt. But it’s up to these two people to decide how long the friendship will go.

I am very amazed at my random uhm, realization. I haven’t been sleeping well these days and this kind of deep deep, chim stuffs keep popping in my head when I can’t sleep. Maybe it’s from the things I went through or what I observed. Pardon me.

Anyway, lighter and way random-er stuffs to prevent depression. I went to Sentosa with the Funfair gang yesterday! I am getting a bit sick of Palawan Beach, honestly. Next time round I’ll go to Siloso Beach then. I don’t like Tanjong Beach. Have to walk super long to get there. I marvel at the difference between the colour of the Singapore open waters and that of New Caledonia. Both are green, but Singapore’s is murky green (wtf, really what!) and the other is like crystal clear, luminous green (pretty, pretty!).  Super random, I know.

PlayMAX in another 10 days! Fun fun fun! Yesssss, changing phone already! I’m sick of the bloody slow and retarded phone K, I’m hungry, I’m off for food!

Kayzbaizwillpostsoon! SJ FTW!

Yea, keep playing mind games when you know you can’t take it any longer.

Glorious.

Awesome awesome awesome! I got back some of my results already I tell you, it’s not bad k, considering the shock and disappointments from the mock exams. Haha, all smiles now. Awesome shiz, yo! Goodness gracious manz, this is the first time I see my results not with disappointment, but joy. It’s a motivation for me, somehow 

Oh Lord, thank you loads! This time round, I think don’t need to attend meet-the-parents session anyway, A-maths students, JIAYOU! Not meaning to be sarcastic, kay? JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU! You guys can do it!

English came back as a shock. Shock. S-H-O-C-K. Never would I have even dreamt that I would be able to pass well. Oh manz, the grace of God The compo was awesome shiz. Hohoho, but I failed paper 2. By one mark some more. Walao eh, why like that? The stupid compre got like 11/25. Freaking shit. Stupid passages make me lose marks. Passed summary, finally

Chinese was a major disappointment. The letter writing wasn’t up to standard. Composition worse. Paper 2 was a heartbreak, I tell you.Though I did not bad for overall. Not boasting but I expected much more, with the Mother Tongue Os getting nearer. But never mind, JIAYOU some more then!

Chemistry just passed, heng sai ah. 43/85.

Ooh, MATHS! 53/80! First time do so well leh! O-M-G, B3 leh! First time. Omg, so happy, nearly jumped for joy in class! But I didn’t. Embarrassing kay!

Social Studies was a major letdown. 25/50. What the heck lah, didn’t answer to the question. History, 29/50. What the heck is my problem?! Argh, gotta buck up on SBQ. Sucks much.

Had Chinese Intensive Programme today. Wan’t that bad, since we’re in an air-con room. A bit ‘dry’ though, the lessons. But for the sake of scoring an A1 for Mother Tongue, I’m gonna endure it. Gambatte!!!

Another what, 9 days to Chinese Os? Holy shiz, so soon! Buck up buck up! Going out later. I might post, though.

Kbaizloveyouall!

P/S. Not for myself, but for the His glory. Amen

Liberation.

Prelim 1 is officially over. Oh well, the Chinese Intensive Programme is commencing soon! Oh Lord, imagine being stuck in an air-con class for like 5 hours, doing nothing but Chinese? Super cool, I tell you. I don’t really feel like checking my Language papers tomorrow. I’m dreading the English paper and I think I might cry if my results are not the ones I aimed for. Gosh, you can’t have things going your way all the time in life. But anyway, I’m going to be positive about it. (Y)

I think I need to go shopping! So lacking from retail therapy. PLAY is this Saturday at Sentosa (L) and Play MAX is on 12/13 June! Awesome, at least there’s still a bit of fun before and during the holidays. Crap, there’s the English Workshop thing during the hols! Registered for 2 of it, worse still. Bloody shiz, I’m good at filling up some empty time slots during the holidays huh. The June holidays are gonna consist of lessons (OMG, OMG, torture!), Moot Parliament (not like I wanted it but sabotaged into it), more revision (latest IN-thing and must do for the grads) and less time for doing my stuffs (argh, what the hell, seriously). Seriously, it’s like no life.

So, you see how pathetic this is? I don’t want to go JC that’s why. It’s like repeating the cycle all over again. I might be wrong but you get my point somehow? School’s tomorrow so at least I won’t be slacking at home like what I’m doing now. Need to go out and get some fresh air (:

Yes yes yes, the Korean version of Boys Over Flowers is nice! I chiong-ed like 11 episodes over 2 days while over at Emme’s house! Next thing to chiong is Gossip Girl. Prolly chiong after Os. They said it is nice and bitchy (as always). Oh my, I need retail therapy! Not a want, but a need. Some other stuffs to do, so bye!

It’s good, not speaking to you, really (: